Christmas Present

A hard time of year.

I had decorated her room with coloured lights and tinsel. There were Christmas cards from friends and family scattered around the place and Christmas Carols playing almost continuously on Classic FM. 

No discernable reaction. 

Christmas Day has a warm and loving feel at the Care Home, and again my son and I were there for dinner with Rosemarie. She was dressed in her party clothes and in her chair when we arrived. She fell asleep and remained asleep through all of dinner.

Our dinner as usual was excellent. Hers....well, pureed turkey is dry and tasteless, pureed parsnips and sprouts pretty uninteresting, and mashed potatoes. I don't think she missed anything.

Back to her room for presents she was totally oblivious to, and a Queen's Speech she used to watch but now ignores.

I thought I would be getting used to it by now. Maybe it was the contrast with the busy and exciting atmosphere at my daughter's house, where my first grandchild was overwhelmed by her first Christmas and wine flowed and laughter echoed.

But for me: Christmas with the heart ripped out.